THE DERANGED COUSINS

Seventy-nine years ago there were three cousins whose names were Rose Marshmary, Mary Rosemarsh, and Marsh Maryrose.

They lived in a house covered with roses on the edge of a marsh.

Since they were orphans and there was nobody to stop them, they were often merry far into the night.

In the daytime they picked up things left by the tide.

One September afternoon Rose and Mary quarreled over a bedslat.

Mary struck Rose with a brown china doorknob she had already found and killed her.

She had Marsh bury her in a field known as the Rabbits’ Restroom.

The incident caused her to become a religious maniac.

Shortly thereafter Marsh took to drink.

One April morning he drank the dregs of a bottle of vanilla extract he discovered in the mud.

They must have been contaminated, for he died in agony during the night.

Mary conducted a funeral service by herself that lasted the whole day and then buried him near Rose.

The next winter she was carried off by an unusually high tide.

They never found her body.

Edward Gorey

Amphigorey Too